I had an “aha” moment yesterday. I went in the lower level bathroom and opened the cupboard under the sink to get a new roll of toilet paper only to find 10 huge paper towel packets shoved in. My first reaction was “what has the hubs done now”. I was all set to search him out and give him a lashing when I suddenly thought, “hey, maybe I did this in one of my drunken stupors”. (I tend to have blackouts when I drink – go figure when you put away a 5th of whiskey in under 4 hours.) Me. Yup. It was probably me that did it.
Alcohol makes us do things we don’t normally do. It robs us of so much. It skews our perspective, even when we are sober for a day here and there. It makes us want to blame everyone else but the real culprit, if we take the time to stop and think about it, boils down to just us. Maybe it’s me not him, not the world, not whomever. Aha!!
Just for today I will not drink. 24 hour read today says “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. We always get worse, never better. We can never recapture the good times of the past.”
Two weeks sober tomorrow. I am so thankful that I put the bottle down and picked up my life again. Just for today I will not drink because then I will remember everything I do. Well maybe some of it – I do have senior moments – ha!!